Your Body Talks....Sometimes It Screams - Are You Listening?

My original business name was Your Body Talks. I ended up changing it to Your Body Kinesiology, as I considered that the body - your body - does so much more than just talk.

Your Body Heals. Your Body Grows. Your Body Shines. Your Body Knows. Your body does know what it needs to heal, to grow, to shine - but first, it must talk to you. To let you know when there is something going on, when there is something not right, when there is something out of balance.

Your Body Talks. Sometimes it’s a whisper, sometimes it’s a little louder. Sometimes you hear, sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you take notice, sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you act, sometimes you don’t.

Sometimes your body screams.

‘Why aren’t you listening?

Why aren’t you taking notice?

Why aren’t you doing something?’

This time last year, my body screamed.

This time last year, I lay in a hospital bed, attached to a heart rate monitor that alarmed incessantly as my heart contracted erratically for hours on end, shaking the bed and my emancipated 45kg frame. In those moments I did the only thing I could do – I prayed.

I prayed to God that I would not die. I prayed that this was not it. I was not ready. I prayed that I would not leave my babies, my Love, my family, my friends.

My Babies – they needed me!

This was not meant to be my story. This was not meant to be their story. I was a fit, healthy and happy 37 year old mother of three little ones – my 5 year old ‘big girl’, my 3 year old ‘baby girl’ and my 1 year old baby boy – my buddy. I knew health and wellbeing, I promoted health and wellbeing to my clients, my family, my friends and I practiced what I preached!

This can’t - this shouldn’t be happening to me!

But it was. 

And in my vulnerability – paralysed by fear and lacking any control of that moment or the next, I had complete clarity and a bizarre sense of calm.

I knew I had to listen. I knew I could not stick my head in the sand any longer. I just knew that there was more to this than me lying on a hospital bed. It was one week before we were to move from Brisbane back to Newcastle.  I was moving back ‘home’ for the first time in 19 years.  It was a significant juncture in my life and I realised that there was a lesson I had to learn before I went ‘home’. A lesson I had failed to learn for too long – and now it was time.

I am eternally grateful that my body screamed at me that day and forced me to hear and to act. If it had not then I might not be here, or maybe the next time it could have been worse – my body would have had to scream a little louder – what that would have looked like, I need not imagine, because I learnt my lesson and I am now a different person because of it.

 

What Was My Lesson? Well There Were So Many!

5 days in hospital for a person who struggles with the concept of, let alone the reality of, the western medical model was confronting to say the least. Being told I was talking ‘Voodoo’ by my assigned Cardiologist when I asked about whether my magnesium levels could be related to the ‘atrial fibrillation’ that I had inaccurately been diagnosed, was infuriating. Never mind the look of disgust on his face before he turned his back to me and walked from the room without answering when I asked about a possible link between a specific gut bacteria (given my significant digestive issues in the months preceding this event) and atrial fibrillation.

Then there was the moment when I was pushed in a wheelchair, in nothing but a hospital gown, to have an echocardiogram in an outpatient area of the hospital. I was left sitting in the waiting room for an hour surrounded by ‘members of the public’, feeling physically and emotionally exposed and completely disempowered.

Did they not know I rarely left the house without make up on – let alone…umm…shoes & clothes!

 

Maybe this was part of the lesson (and yes, I have only realised this while typing this), that by being so disempowered I was being forced to let go of control. I was not in control and I had to learn to be OK with that.

 

Delayed awareness – it’s taken a year to come to see that one – but it’s come none the less!

And then there were my babies. My babies had to see their mummy with wires all over her lying in a hospital bed. They didn’t understand – well not really. ‘Mummy ick’ said my little man repeatedly for those days I was away from him. My big girl, well she seemed unfazed and more interested in what was on my dinner tray, but I know my girl, and I saw the look in her eyes that first day when she walked towards me lying on that bed with alarms blaring. They searched the scene, taking it all in, trying to process it, trying to understand it and when they connected with mine – all I saw was fear. And all I felt was pure love for her and her vulnerability.

And then my Love. He juggled three small children, organised a house for removalists, and the last week in his job as well as being my emotional support, my belief that it would all be ok, my calm, my strength – he was then, as he always has been, and always will be - my medicine!

He makes it all better.

 

 Me and My Love at a wedding, two weeks after I was in hospital.
 I'm holding on tight, because I was still feeling very vulnerable!

 

And then there was my friends. Some opened their doors to my children, one took a day off work to look after my children, some rearranged their schedule to fit me in for kinesiology and chiropractic treatments, many expressed their love and
In hospital I learnt a number of lessons:

• I learnt patience and respect.
• I learnt to pray in a way so different to how I had been ‘taught’ to pray as a child.
• I learnt gratitude – for my life, my health, my little family, my family and friends.
• I learnt that it was OK to 'lean' on my friends when I was in need - to those who opened their doors to my children, took time off work to look after my children, who rearranged their schedules for to fit me in for kinesiology and chiropractic treatments  and who shared their love and support during that crazy week - I am so grateful.

What Was Going On With My Body?

Well it’s complicated, as often these things are. Most of it I didn’t figure out in hospital, it took about 3 months before I had a clear picture of what was really going on in my body.

But, if I had taken notice months earlier, then things would not have ended up where they did. But I didn’t listen to the warning signs and kept doing my thing – DOING being the operative word. I kept doing the mum thing, kept doing the wife thing, kept doing the housework thing, kept doing the Kinesiology thing, kept doing the friend thing, kept doing the exercise thing, kept Doing! Doing! Doing!

And when I did, I did it perfectly, because that was my way of staying in control. And I needed to feel in control at that point as I obviously felt so out of control in other aspects of my life. The job application process for my husband’s new role was long and drawn out over a 4 month period. I felt I had no control over my future, I didn’t know where I was going to be living in one month, two months, six months’ time and so I tried to control what I could. In doing so I ran myself into the ground.

My adrenals were in a chronic state of stress. I experienced two bouts of aggressive gastro which were probably attributed to a parasite, stress and a damaged digestive system. As a result, my weight plummeted to 45kg, no matter what I ate my body failed to absorb many nutrients and this in turn had detrimental effects on the balance of my thyroid. 

I had removed gluten, grains, refined sugars and dairy from my diet in an attempt to heal my digestive system about two months before I ended up in hospital. However, on the days prior to landing in hospital I had casually introduced small amounts of gluten into my diet as we had a number of farewell dinners and lunches. I did not believe at that time that I was sensitive to gluten and had simply removed it from my diet to help heal my digestive system. It should not have been a problem to eat it in small amounts. Or so I thought.

Through removing gluten from my diet, my body had become more sensitive to it and therefore re-introducing it triggered a dramatic response in the form of heart arrhythmias. There is much evidence highlighting the link between gluten and cardiac arrhythmias. All this is good in hindsight! The night I went to hospital I had been at dinner with some girlfriends and probably had a small amount of gluten in some dumplings and fried zucchini flowers! Not much, but enough to trigger a few arrhythmias when I went to bed that night. These were something I had never experienced before, so I was fairly alarmed when I felt a flittering in my chest.

My dad passed away 3 years ago of a sudden massive heart attack. He had a long history of cardiovascular disease and there was a strong genetic link in his side of my family. Needless to say, when my heart started acting abnormally, I was alarmed and knew I couldn’t mess around.

Bingo! My Body Finally Got My Attention!

The irony was not lost on me that I ended up in hospital attached to a heart rate monitor. I gave my dad so much grief for years about what he should and shouldn’t do, should and shouldn’t eat, should and shouldn’t drink to look after his heart.

My dad and my 'big girl' 2 months before he passed away.

I thought I knew better than him! I had all the health knowledge – hey I’d studied cardiovascular physiology, I had worked in cardiac rehab programs – I knew ‘stuff’ and I was not backwards in telling my dad that ‘stuff’. And yes, it came from a place of love, but it was not delivered with respect.

And here I was 37 years old in hospital with a ‘dysfunctioning’ heart…….hmmm – yep – might be a lesson in that one! I think it comes under the heading RESPECT!

Respect for other people’s lives, other people’s choices, other people’s journeys – they have their lessons to learn and I must respect that.

Lesson Learnt!

But There Was More To Learn……

The first morning I was in hospital, delirious from no sleep and stress, I unwittingly ate a piece of toast (containing gluten). Within 30 minutes, the arrhythmias which had barely been detectable since I had been in the hospital, suddenly started, at first one or two, but quickly becoming 10-20 beats combined. This went on for hours and hours. I will never forget opening my eyes to see two nurses standing at the end of my bed just monitoring me, because the monitor would not stop alarming. It was at this point, when I could feel my whole body and the bed vibrate with the force of these arrhythmias that I truly feared I was dying. I didn’t know what was happening.

I had to let go and put my trust in something – something bigger than me – call it God, call it the Universe, call it whatever you want. But I knew that there was nothing I could do but pray and trust that it would be OK. And you know what – it was.

 

Another Lesson Learnt!

I have a strong belief that the body has an innate healing capability. It is what I do as a Kinesiologist. I realign people’s energy so that their body is able to function optimally and therefore heal itself – it is what it is designed to do, it is what it wants to do. Knowing this and experiencing this for yourself is a very different thing.

When I was discharged from hospital I was physically and emotionally so fragile and vulnerable. 3 days later we flew back to NSW and as planned we moved in with my mum until tenants moved out of our house. I literally moved ‘home’ and back into my mum’s nurturing nest. She helped me look after my babies so that I could focus on little more than looking after myself and getting myself well again. For 6 weeks I did just that. I stopped. I listened to my body. I responded to my body. I played with my babies. I simply let myself enjoy the bare basics, yet most beautiful aspects of life.

My best friend is a Chiropractor and she is an amazing healer. She is so holistic in her approach to the body. I saw her for treatments weekly from the time I moved home. First we worked on healing my digestive system, then on balancing my thyroid and re-establishing essential metabolic pathways. She helped me physically, mentally and emotionally. I strictly followed the program of supplements that she prescribed. We modified it weekly as my body realigned itself and started to heal. Combined with my strict diet, which was gluten free, dairy free, grain free and refined sugar free and included a lot of bone broths, I became well. I had no digestive discomfort or upsets, I had put on 8kg in about 3 months, I had an abundance of energy, I was running again, I was no longer experiencing arrhythmias and I was no longer scared. I felt normal again.

I had experienced for myself the amazing ability of the body to heal. And I admit I was in awe of my body and forever grateful to my amazing friend for her love, support, belief in me and her special healing gift.

Another Lesson Learnt!

And Yet There Was More….

While I was in hospital, I made an appointment to see an Integrated medical doctor in Sydney. I knew of the work that he did and the results that he had with a couple of friends, and instinct told me that I needed to see him. I had to wait 3 months, and by the time I saw him in August, I was ‘well’, compared to where I had been. I still had a niggling pain in my sternum and my period, which had stopped in February, had not returned and therefore I trusted that there was value in seeing him.

I learnt through this experience to never doubt my intuition.

This doctor discovered that the immunity around my heart was still significantly compromised, secondary to compromised production of certain white blood cells in my bone marrow.  As a result of this compromised immunity around my heart, there was a bacterial infection in my heart. When he told me (in a very undramatic matter of fact manner) that this bacteria has been identified in the autopsies of 75% of ‘young’ people who die suddenly of heart attacks, I was once again filled with absolute fear. Did that mean I could have a heart attack at any moment? He was very calm and simply recommended that I didn’t do too much running for a while and that our priority was to get rid of this bacteria from my heart.

He continued his investigations and identified x10 normal levels of arsenic throughout my body – my heart, my brain, my spleen, my kidneys, my stomach and it was in my bone marrow, hence the compromised immunity levels in my heart and other areas of my body. I admit, I joked that my hubby must have poisoned me when he told me my body was riddled with arsenic. He didn’t laugh, at that point, my brain had not processed the whole picture and the potential severity of the situation.

How did my body become poisoned by arsenic? I guess I will never really know but I have my ideas. Certain foods have high levels of arsenic. It is used as a pesticide in a lot of countries, Australia included. For example, Chinese garlic (as found most minced garlic) has really high arsenic levels and really should be avoided. I had been eating jar loads of this rubbish in my bone broths, in my ‘healthy keep cold and flu away tonic’ and in most meals I cooked. I thought I was doing the right thing – garlic has awesome healing properties – as long as it is not laced with arsenic.  I won’t list everything, but if you are curious, google arsenic in foods and you will be mortified at what you find. In addition there is arsenic in our environment, remnants of it in the soil that we live on, play with and grow our food in.

The gratitude I felt for this doctor as I left his building, with my bacteria and arsenic detox programs safely in my handbag, was overwhelming. I truly believed he may have saved my life. If none of this had been identified, it would have flared up at some other time, in some other way and again I dare not think what that may have looked like.

My body quickly responded to my detox program and the bacterial infection disappeared, the arsenic levels reduced from x10 - x3 normal level in a 3 month period and my period returned within 4 days of my second consultation with him, when he started to detox my pituitary gland!

 

Was There A Lesson In All That For Me? Sure!

 

1.       trust my intuition and act on it

2.       remain grateful for each day and what it brings

3.       DON’T eat Chinese garlic (among other things!)



Me with my babies one month ago before I
did my 10km run.

And so, 12 months on here I am.

I am well. I am happy. I am calm. I am loving my life. I am connected to me. I am connected to those I love. I am a great Kinesiologist. I am successfully growing my business. I am flowing with my life. I am still growing. I am still learning.
 

 Isn’t That What This Thing Called Life Is All About?

It’s about learning lessons and growing from, and with, those lessons. It is not always easy and sometimes we slip backwards into our old ways – but that’s ok. Once the lesson is learnt, it is never forgotten and the awareness that we have because of that lesson, means that next time, we will catch ourselves earlier, before we come crashing down.

Crashing down isn’t fun….but gee it’s enlightening!

 

 

 

Here’s What I Learnt In the last 12 months! (in no order – just as it flows from my head and heart)

I learnt to be grateful for today, tomorrow and yesterday.

I learnt to be grateful for all that I have.

I learnt a love so deep for my babies.

I learnt about the body and its innate healing ability.

I learnt to nourish my body.

I learnt to heal from love not fear.

I learnt to find joy in my life.

I learnt that joy comes from within not from external ‘things’.

I learnt to nurture myself.

I learnt that tomorrow is never guaranteed.

I learnt to breathe & the power of breathing.

I learnt to let go.

I learnt to stop.

I learnt to be.

I learnt to do less and be more.

I learnt that connecting with my babies is more important than the washing.

I learnt that my husband is my soul mate and his love, belief and support in me is my medicine.

I learnt that the body is beautifully complex in its physiology and yet magically simple in its healing ability.

I learnt to love and respect my body.

I learnt that there is more to this life than the here and now.

I learnt to listen to and act on my intuition.

I learnt that life is about our connection to others not about doing stuff.

I learnt that mind chatter distracts from heart whispers.

I learnt that it’s OK - in fact it’s AMAZING to be vulnerable.

I learnt that we are all different in our beliefs about healing and there is value in all.

I learnt that hospital is a place I don’t ever want to be again.

I learnt to trust in God; the Universe (whatever you want to call it) cause really – I’m not calling the shots!

I learnt to pray – I mean really pray!

I learnt to be brave.

I learnt to never underestimate a child’s resilience and innate knowing.

I learnt to listen to my children with different ears as they often have the answer.

I learnt to listen to my body – to the whispers rather than waiting for the screams.

I learnt that it is OK to make mistakes - because there are no mistakes, they are all just lessons.

I learnt to see, hear, feel, touch & smell just a little more than before.

I learnt to love me wholly and completely – all that I am is just me.

I learnt that writing is my way of connecting to me and that it is really therapeutic.

This is what I have been waiting to write for 12 months. I think I have been waiting for the right time, the time when it would all just flow. When it would all come out and help me heal….just that little bit more.

If you have continued reading my ramblings (I do rabbit on, my hubby says so) to this point, I thank you for your time in sharing my deepest thoughts and awakenings. As I come to the end, I now believe that this, this process of writing, was more for me than anyone else, but I do hope that you found something of value to take with you as you continue your day or night.

I am grateful that on this day 12 months ago, my body screamed and I finally listened.

Are You Listening To Yours? x